Someone call 911! Our civil rights slipped in the shower! And we’re not taking it anymore!
After decades of gay oppression, we at Breeder’s Digest have decided to take matters into our own hands, and fix all our nation’s problems in one weekend. That’s why we’re on an emergency roadtrip to Washington D.C. to attend the National Equality March.
Look how many of us there may or may not be!
Top 10 Things We Want to Do While in D.C.
1. Shop for high-end fashions in low-end chain stores at the National Mall.
2. Pay homage to our first gay President by visiting the Lincoln Memorial.
3. Go down on the Washington Monument.
4. Take a trip to the Smithsonian Institution, and search Amelia Earheart’s plane for signs of lesbianism. You can’t hide forever, Earheart!
5. Buy an Obama-scented candle from a street vendor and/or street person.
6. Avoid those District of Colombian drug cartels we’ve heard so much about in the news.
7. Whale-watching off Puget Sound.
8. Get cruised by a Senator while admiring his wingtips and wide stance.
9. Read Maya Angelou aloud to each other as we lounge beneath the full bosom of a cherry blossom tree.
10. Stand up and be counted as proud American citizens who happen to drive German cars, admire clean Scandinavian design, make love like ancient Greeks, and harbor Socialist ideals bordering on outright Communism.
Are gays too easily distracted to liveblog a major national event? Can our nation’s capitol handle our delicate constitutions? Can our delicate constitutions handle our nation’s capitol?
Stay tuned to see what happens in the next installment of Nation In Crisis: Breeder’s Digest Goes To Washington. Or, follow us in even real-er time at @HomoSentences and VelvetPark.
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